The Power of Unemployment

If I have learned anything since graduating college, it is that at no other time in one's life can your happiness truly be in the hands of others than when you are unemployed. Yes, I willingly quit my job. Yes, I am happy about that decision. But no, I did not realize that it would be so hard to find another job.

Six weeks into unemployment, the fear and dread and mild depression have sunk in. Internal monologue is peppered with "I am worthless," "I'm not doing anything with my life," and "Nobody thinks I'm good enough" sentiments. You have been told all your life by well-intentioned elders that nobody has control over your happiness but you, but somehow, in the face of rejection after rejection after rejection, it seems that they have a little more power than you were taught.

It's hard, because on the one hand, you know you're worth something, that you have plenty to offer, that things are most likely going to work out. But on the other hand, sometime shortly after sending out the 75th resume and cover letter, the subtle sting of rejection grows into a mighty stab that leaves a gaping wound on your psyche. You try to fill your extra time with productive things, but your bank account is starting to disappear along with your self-esteem, and it takes all you can just to dress yourself in the morning.

Maybe some people don't fall victim to such bouts of depression, but I would venture to wager that the majority of educated, talented, non-morons would at least start to suffer a touch of the blues after six weeks of failed attempts to make that next career move. You begin questioning everything you did that got you here - was transferring schools, leaving behind a great group of friends and a wide open door for travel at the sake of your future career really worth it? Were three years of unpaid, illegal slave labor for the sake of having the extra edge necessary? Do you even actually know what you're doing? Sure, you're still young, you're still trying to find your way. But...shouldn't the road be a little less bumpy at this point?

I guess the lesson in all this is that life really never is easy. That even when things seem good, they're still precarious. That as optimistic as you can enter into something (I was plenty excited and looking forward to this job hunt for the first two and a half weeks), it always has the potential to take a disappointing turn. It is during these moments that you must desperately hold onto the concept of being in charge of your own happiness. That you mustn't give in to these feelings of hopelessness, that this will pass and it will work out. That you must truly use this as an opportunity to learn how to take responsibility of your own happiness.

But at the end of the day, the rest of the world is still treating you as though you're not good enough, and you can't deny that that's hard to deal with. It can be difficult to drag yourself out of bed in the morning, but the best you can do is to power through it, and to force yourself to experience the power of positive thinking. If you must cave and sacrifice some of your dreams, swallow some of your pride to make ends meet, it will just make you stronger - I hope.

I have to take to heart the words of my father, for whom I have the highest respect and admiration. He's a big fan of metaphors and catchy words of wisdom, and one of his favorites is the old adage, "It is not your situation, but how you handle it that defines you. Hold onto yourself and don't forget...I love you."

I realize that I'm luckier than most, with parents who are not only willing to but are able to support me, both emotionally and financially. So I take comfort in that, and force myself to actively seek out the positives that are meekly shining in what seems to be the dark night. This is an opportunity to learn, a chance to grow stronger, a reminder that I actually am very blessed.

So I have realized that though the power of unemployment is mind-boggling, it is no match for the power of human determination. And I am grateful for that lesson, despite its costs.